this was originally going to be a comedy (hence the NAME), but i made it more serious when i was writing. enjoy!
~IN~the~LAND~of~the~PURPLE~MONKEYS~
‘Twas dark in the forestland of the rare purple monkeys, when a stranger arrived.
The stranger, cloaked in willow vines, knocked heavily on the door of the purple monkeys’ tree haven. He was drenched from the hard, heavy rain that surrounded the forest like a curtain of jet-black silk.
As the door opened a few inches, the stranger coughed fitfully, and revealed his face as he pulled his threaded hood back. He wast much taller and heavier than any of the other beasts. The purple monkey that had opened the door—being a young maid—squealed shrilly, as a monkey would always do, and ran from the door to find the tribe leader.
The leader looked into the stranger’s eyes, silent and still, but fear showed on his brow. He would not let the beast in.
The stranger coughed again, and started to speak, but the purple monkey leader cut off his mighty growl.
“I am a purple monkey,” the leader muttered quietly. He was barely heard through the dark, steady torrent of rain. “You are not a purple monkey. You may not stay with purple monkeys unless you be of the race of purple monkeys.” It was at that moment that each of the candles in the purple monkeys den went out.
The stranger was left staring at the two small, purple slits that were the purple monkey’s eyes.
Seventeen more pairs of slits lined up behind the leader, all daring the stranger to speak.
“You certainly put a lot of thought into that,” the stranger said after a long, quiet moment.
The purple slits vanished for a second, and were back. The leader had blinked.
“What?” If the light had been present, you would have seen the leader scratch his head.
The stranger growled and bellowed, “If ye will not be kind enough to give me a place to rest, may the Striped Ones curse this hellhole for eternity!”
The willow slipped back over the great beasts head, and with a giant leap, the stranger was gone, following the wind away from the rain.
In the cursed land of the purple monkeys, there be always rain.
Teh Wozzinator
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
That was pretty good. It seemed sort of like a bizzare African retelling of the Three Little Pigs, but with monkeys and tigers instead. It also sort of seemed like fable, minus the part where consequences come. Thanks for writing it!
-Alanda
w00t!!! you win!!! haha...yeah, "Striped Ones" was the clue. i forgot to post the "creature challenge" as I'm calling it, in the first post.
lol, congrats.
Teh Wozzinator
Tiger?
Actually, I was going to see if you could guess what the stranger was. There's really only one good clue, but it also hints at it from his description and how he "growls". lol
Keep writing (and reviewing my stuff!!! lol, just kidding)
Teh Wozzinator
Wot? I haven't reviewed this? But I read it and everything!
^_^ Oh yeah, now I remember. It was very amusing so I couldn't find anything constructive to say.
I can tell you made this more serious, because if it wasn't for the fact these are purple monkeys, it would seem pretty serious.
I liked your ending. Maybe I'm just assuming, but in my mind it was already raining there all the time. =P
My only real suggestion (no grammar stuck out to me) is maybe describe the stranger more. We know he's a stranger, but what is he? If you hinted at it, I didn't pick up on it.
^_^ Good work!
This is my first review, so be a bit lenient, please. I'm still finding my way around this site.
First of all, your title is extremely intriguing. When you see it, you automatically reach for the book (or page, if you will), even if generally you would not read something about monkeys.
There are a few minor grammar mistakes...
I believe that it should be 'that each of the candles in the purple monkeys' den went out'.
However, it is nothing that a reread wouldn't fix. Try reading it backwards, one sentence at a time. I find that really helps.
All in all it was a good story with an interesting hook. I'm glad it's my first review!
Ok, sorry...I don't remember that rule on the rule list...but there were a lot. I'll have to check that out again. Sorry!
I guess I just wanted to post because...
I've spent all week reviewing and I have like 2000+ points (which I wanted because I wanted to get in the top five), and they'll get erased...sometime in the next couple of days. So I wanted to get my stuff posted.
So I guess I've posted three today...so sorry mods! I'm going to go re-read the rule book....
Sorry!!!
Teh Wozzinator
SirWozzell --
I haven't got time to critique now, but I will make an effort to come back to this later if it hasn't received any [good] critiques by then.
However, on YWS, there is a rule: you cannot submit more than two pieces per day. (Even submitting once a day is very annoying, actually.) The reason for this is that when you submit for than one poem/story, the forum gets clogged with your work. The clogging of forums discourages people to comment on your writing, and it annoys the other people who have posted in that forum.
This is just a... friendly reminder, shall we say? I just thought I should let you know before one of the moders comes and like, assassinates you. =p
- Camille